Later today

Just wanted to say I'm feeling better. A bit, but enough.
I feel I've learned my lesson:follow the Holy Spirit. Do not quench the Holy Spirit. Die to self and do what is right if it's only a matter of self-discipline and not a case of overwork and my body requiring rest. This morning I actually felt pretty darn good, but I still did my will and did not trust God or the Holy Spirit in me that was prodding me to get out & get to Target & do the next right thing throughout the day.

Because I insisted on my way, I messed up my system, hunger-sleep cycle, leaving me depressed and mentally foggy. The absolute worst though was seeing the hurt in my son's eyes when he saw me hurting and feeling depressed. That look.  Lord, help me never forget that others--my son-- are counting on me to take care of myself so I can be happy & spontaneous, fully in the moment with them, able to sense the Holy Spirit, and for Heaven's sake, dinner time comes every. single. night.  Unless I'm seriously physically ill, I need to have dinner ready each night. We managed ok tonight, but the lesson needs to remain. Over the last few months, my son has seen me improve and he's a happier boy, more carefree, for it. Him seeing me regress today was painful for me to see. Why wouldn't he question whether I would sink back into the abyss? But praise God, as I'm feeling a bit better, I was able to talk & fully engage with my son, making plans for tomorrow for breakfast and that trip to Target. I'm coming to realize schedule & routine isn't a straitjacket, it is a comfort and a guideline that gives some form to a nebulous tomorrow. I'm adding back in church on Sundays, as we have found a church we both really like & feel accepted in, and feel God's presence in. Our former church was nice enough, but more of a social club feel, and we both felt a bit rebuffed. But again, i felt like this was "the" church that "the" people attend & wanted to be accepted into these circles. it proved impossible, however, to overlook the fact that I had nothing in common with these ppl and found conversing with most of them uncomfortable, creating extra anxiety I def didn't need.This new one is so much better, I can't wait to go back!