Changing course

Changing course mid-stream, or in my case, mid-life, is not easy. But some wonderful things have been occurring. I found a beautiful little bracelet at Target with a cross on it and the placard it was attached to reads, " Faith doesn't make things easy. Faith makes things possible". What an apt phrase for me to recall each time I look down at my wrist. For things haven't been easy, but with, and only with God's help and listening the best I can to the Holy Spirit, things that I could not do a week ago, I am doing now. Yesterday was Saturday and I and my son did several things out of the ordinary. He drove me around on the highway for the first time. (And is a great driver!) As well as these, I found a recipe online, went to Walmart, bought the ingredients, came home, cooked dinner, then later cleaned the kitchen. These are common routine things, you may think, but for the horrible condition I've been in, this has been remarkable progress! And all because I'm submitting myself to God, His Word, and His authority. I've suffered from an awful combination of pride and shame. Too ashamed of what I'd become yet too proud to ask for help. Satan will take every opportunity to bind us on any level he can, and mine had regressed to mental, along with the physical.

I saw my old test results that put me in a category that would qualify me for disability, and I could get a check from the govt each month. I'm morally opposed to welfare unless extreme cases call for it, yet here I was, grappling with the reality of it for myself. A thought came to me, "do you want to be disabled or do you want to be well?" I want to be well, I immediately thought. "Then you must choose to be well. You cannot be both" That hit pretty hard.

Then today, we went to the great church I'm coming back to that I used to attend years ago that I've been reluctant to come back to because of how I left, my divorce, how people would view me, if I would be rejected now that I've been brought low.
But with and by God's power, today was another good day of accomplishing more things than before, with cooking & cleaning, and trying to explain and reaching out to my husband and son, trying to tell them that God is changing me, but I'm having to work at it. I do my part whether I feel like it or not, and leave the rest to Him. That's faith, and it works if you work it.

Tomorrow is Monday and with God's blessing and help, I will get to some things that I've sorely neglected over the years. I will clean, sort, & organize all to bring Him glory, because its His will that I do these things. There is a bittersweet quality to true submission. It really helps bring you back down to earth and pops the bubble of that pride and shame. You recognize you are no better, but also no worse, than any other, and the humility is a terrific tonic for the soul.